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Just
what exactly is cold feet? The term can refer to a psychological
reaction as well as a physical reaction related to health. Cold feet
in the physical sense may be a reaction to cold outdoor or indoor
temperatures as well as be the result of other health-related causes.
The meaning of the psychological reference is worth looking at in
regards to marriage.
"Cold
Feet" - The Saying
"You
have a case of cold feet," someone says to you after you have
backed out of an agreement, such as a purchase of a vehicle or of
marriage on the wedding day. It means loss of nerve and withdrawal of
confidence in your choices. This is used often in urban slang and is
used to describe those about to be married who are filled with doubt.
Cold
Feet - Before the Wedding
Doubts
about getting married are common; an article by Benedict Carey in the
New York Times, discusses the research that found that those who
think they might be making a mistake
are more likely to eventually divorce.
As
the wedding day approaches, those with doubts tend to dismiss these
fears as just pre-wedding
jitters. In
fact, warning signs can be ignored in the hustle and bustle of
preparing for the wedding. It can be hard to pull out of the arranged
event, when the venue is booked, invitations ordered, caterer chosen,
band invited, and everything else that goes along with a big wedding.
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Photo by Petr Ovralov on Unsplash |
What
Does It Really Mean?
The
nagging feeling that something isn't quite right and that a mistake
is being made is part of cold feet. It might be a voice within that
keeps yelling, "Stop Now!" or any other words that tell you
to end it.
One
can ignore that voice because it is just too embarrassing to stop the
wedding planning. Losing the deposit and other financial woes are
just part of cancelling a wedding. Losing the good will of friends
and relatives can be a strong reason to not stop something that seems
to be a mistake.
Lost
Loves
If
you really love someone else, and that is giving doubt, is just one
reason to have cold feet. A more difficult reason to deal with is
that you are having doubts about the whole thing. One uncommon
phenomenon found to occur the night before the wedding day is that
one of the partners has sex with an old lost lover as a goodbye to
them; the next day they walk down the aisle with their new love.
People
questioned about this reaction mentioned that as they were marrying
their present love, they wished that it was the former lost love
instead. Yet they go ahead with the marriage, and years later, when
the lost love contacts them again, they leave their marriage and go
back to their former lover.
An
article in Psychology
Today
discusses the cold feet syndrome at length. It is a serious problem
when doubts arise before a wedding and are buried beneath a flurry of
activity. Feelings should be taken into account and in time, they
will surface again. Maybe it is not so bad to have cold feet, in this
case.
About the Author
Kayla Clough is the email specialist at OurStart . Kayla is a recent graduate of Eastern University in PA where she majored in Marketing and Human Resources. Kayla loves all things fashion, her golden retriever Max, and coffee. When she is not working, you can find her binge watching Sex in the City and baking her latest find on Pinterest.
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